Solstices and The Travelling Faces: The Territorial Admiral

We have worked hard. We are tired and worn, wisdom has gone to sleep and the heat is outside the protection of the wands. Toast with us as we celebrate and rest after the truce. A truce not in a war but a battle nontheless…

Introduction

Every story of profound change begins not with a bang, but with a slow, creeping exhaustion. It’s the feeling of being stuck, of a motivation slowly being killed by the friction of a life that no longer fits. Before any journey into the light, there is a period of stagnation in the dark. This is the story of that time—a winter defined by professional burnout, creative disillusionment, and the heavy astrological signature of a Mars retrograde that seemed to be grinding all forward motion to a halt. It’s an exploration of what it means to re-evaluate success when the paths you’ve followed have led to a dead end, and the quiet desperation that comes just before the first sign of a new direction.

It’s December & Mars Is Cold

I would have to say to be honest that ever since the Mars Rx in Cancer I have felt like this year we are in now would be a year of great change. This transit actually began when Mars entered its retrograde degrees for the first time and began its preshadow period. The ruler of Mars, the Moon, at the time was in Scorpio transiting my 1st house and Mercury at this time was in Libra transiting my 12th house. The Moon and Mars were both in a fallen mutual reception, the Moon giving strenuous resources from my 1st house of life direction and outwards image, while those resources were being handled using the tools of Mercury and the story of the decan was being told by that same Mercury and Mars together, as well as the underlying Scorpio influence of Cancer II. There underlying, subconscious feelings of inadequacy and not pulling my own weight in the realm of relationship contracts, balance, and fairness.

I’ve got to be honest, since graduating university in 2022, it has been incredibly difficult to find work, even a part-time job. It took me a whole year to find a part-time job and it was only 10h/week which wasn’t nearly enough but it was always meant to be temporary and at least something. My partner has been supporting me financially since then and it has created some imbalances in our relationship. I solidly tried to get into the video game industry for 2 years since graduating with little fruit to show for it. I was doubting myself, my skills, and I had to start re-evaluating what to do going forward. I had to redefine what my direction should be and how to move forward. You can only take so many setbacks.

December rolls around, and I did 10h shifts everyday that wasn’t a British Bank Holiday. Long, understimulating, and immensely draining hours under those bright, white lights of doing… absolutely nothing. I got to work and it was pitch black and I left and it was pitch black. I felt beyond done by the time January came around. Everything I had been doing up to that point had kind of stopped as for my personal well-being and professional progress. I had been doing a lot of self-study up to that point for technical skills for the video game industry, though I kept encountering a lot of technical issues and technical bloating making me spend more time troubleshooting the technical issues than actual practice… my motivation and drive was slowly getting killed.

There are astrologers that say that whenever a retrograde planet retrogrades back across a sign cusp, the house themes those signs govern get connected. For me this was moving from the 10th house of career, goals, life paths, public image, and authority to the 9th house of higher studies, teachers, gurus, religion, foreign people, beliefs, and values. Something to take note of as well is that when looking at this Mars Rx period we can see that he stopped to walk backwards in Venus’ term in Leo, and finished his moonwalking in Mercury’s term in Cancer. I like to look at the beginning and end degrees of a retrograde motion to understand what the bookcover of the retrograde is, like the container that keeps it tucked together.

Kira Ryberg says in The Bounds Guidebook that the term of Venus in Leo is a term we see the boisterous shining lion is given the tools of the lover, one who not only loves to be seen and acknowledged for their efforts but equally sees and acknowledges their peers for their efforts equally as much. At this time however, Venus was in Capricorn so there is an undertone of seriousness and the tools Mars was given in Leo were of the more temperate Saturnian variety. This is further reinforced by the fact the station took place in Leo I, the decan co-ruled by Saturn and the Sun. Ryberg says in The 36 Decans Guidebook that Leo I shows a story where “The awareness can create a feeling of lack due to Saturn’s influence over this space, while the Sun’s co-rulership wants nothing more than to succeed and be visible. It’s a feeling of striving, pushing and doing whatever needs to be done in order to Make It”. Saturn at this time was in Pisces and the Sun in Sagittarius, while the rulers of this decan are in Jupiterean signs, wanting to provide encouragement and saying that the boundaries life puts on us aren’t always as real as we make them out to be.

“The awareness can create a feeling of lack due to Saturn’s influence over this space, while the Sun’s co-rulership wants nothing more than to succeed and be visible. It’s a feeling of striving, pushing and doing whatever needs to be done in order to Make It”

-Kira Ryberg

For me here the Mars retrograde station took place in my 10th house of career, public recognition, goals, authority, and government. Mars was too far away from my MC degree, NN or PoF, though Mars retrograded back over my Part of Victory placed at 3 degrees Leo. During the time Mars was still in Leo I began the period of long unfulfilling hours at my part-time job. I can totally see the Saturnian influence here being pulled from their transit through my 5th house of joy, creativity, arts, and love. The Sun was transiting my 2nd house so the cost of the artistically demotivating tasks that were stacking were coupled with the highlighting of needing to put in those hours to make money. The tools at hand were provided by a long-term planning, realistic, serious Venus transiting my 3rd house. Transiting back over my Part of Victory, I had to re-evaluate what victory actually meant for me and what success meant for me, I did not have any of the mentors I had up to that point and I felt stuck. I think this was further emphasised by the retrograde station with the Sun transiting my 2nd house of money and resources; Venus transiting my 3rd house of skills, daily rituals, local community, and siblings; and Saturn was still in my 5th house of creativity, enjoyment, arts, sports, and love. I felt like the joy for the creative skills at that point was snuffed out of me and I had to rethink what I can do to bring in more money.

What is bittersweet is that over the past few years since the pandemic the video game industry has been suffering, lay-offs, people losing their jobs, studios closing down, and the job market being saturated with people who have experience, overshadowing the people trying to break into the industry. Equally, there were no realistic junior graphic design positions that didn’t already require 5 years of experience. In short, the career paths in creative industries felt like they were using me as a punching bag.

This pressure to prove myself wasn't just professional; it bled into my personal life as we planned our Christmas and New Years festivities. I had decided that this year I was going to attempt making a whole turkey for the first time for Christmas and interestingly Cancer II and Leo I came in strong here I think; I was under a lot of pressure to perform, while also being the person primarily responsible for the Christmas dinner. Why I think that Cancer II comes into play here despite not being there yet, well, “The Walled Garden” imagery that Austin Coppock portrays with this decan; it is a time where we are in the comfort of our homes, cultivating and nurturing a festive spirit, and it is about protecting what’s on the inside. Sometimes we need to rethink our paths forward, take a few steps back and realise what we can do right now to improve our situation. Is what we are doing right now fair? Is it conducive to our progress or are we beating a dead horse? Or is the horse ill and you need to tend to things around it until it is healed?

Summary

The Mars retrograde had ground my world to a halt, leaving a trail of creative burnout and professional disillusionment. It was a period of deep questioning, of being forced to re-evaluate what victory even meant when the old dreams had become a source of pain. But even in the darkest winter, the sky is always moving. Just as the stagnation felt permanent, an unexpected message arrived, carried on the winds of a new transit. A Venus retrograde was beginning, and with it, a call to turn back and look at what had been left behind. But would this journey into the past be a trap, or an escape? Would you risk lighting the bonfire if it would mean you would risk a forest fire? The story continues…